The Daily Poop

Just call him "Space Snoop"

2005-08-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

The engines roared on the NASA space craft. the navigation tower Held the tradition of counting down to blast off, and Snoop Dog held fast to his space suit as he prepared to shoot his new video, "Snoop Poop on da Moon Nigga!" on the moon.

They had been planing this occasion for years and only recently sent the first black rapper to the moon to shoot his music video.

Monte Somblakguy says "Well I'll be a monkey's brother in law! Snoop dog on the moon." He was speechless after that.

Many Scientists as well as padestrians disliked that fact that someone was using space travel for such a worthless occasion. One civilian even threatend to strap himself to the rocket so that it would imbalance the aerodynamics of the shuttle and send it plummeting back to earth.

Even so, they pulled off the mission and successfully landed the first rapper ever onto our only natural satelite.

"Eminem was a worthy canidate," Says Winkle T. Nutsack "but he was too white and would melt if he got to close to the sun."

We've all had our differences in the past, but this is just one of those things that you really have to think about.

Bush Accuses Baby of Secret Document Theft

2005-08-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

On july 17, 2005, president George W.Bush had Peter Willie, a new born infant from Podunk NY arrested for larsony, grand theft auto, assult, battery, Fourth degree murder, and littering when he found important Draft Leagalizing papers in the todlers diapers. Although only two of the six charges were dropped when his naked lawyer was assigned to him, The baby faced 25 to life without bail.

"Well this is just a bunch of horse shit!" Shouted Mary Kwitekontrary, "That baby did nothing! even if he did do it, they're just a few silly document papers!"

Almost all of the other people agreed with Mary until they found her brutally blugeoned corpse tied to that back to a brand new Ford Escort with an American flag waving from her forhead. They then agreed to have the baby executed for his trechery to our nation.

Although there were many supporters for Mary's decision, there were some that stayed with their oppinion.

"That baby would have only become one of the many millions of fat lazy people who complain about this fast food nation while he stuffs his fat little mouth with pork rinds and gravy." Sais photographer, Captain Poopdopius. "I'm glad they got rid of that little brat before he became a fast food manager!"

Since there have only been a handful of supporting Americans, the baby's death will surely to come to him. But until then, they will keep fighting for what they feel is rightful justice.

Group of Gangster Clowns Strike Again

2005-07-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

On June 7, 2005, the bodies of Raechel Cummins, Zach Griffintoon and Raymon Vole were found dangling by their throats with inflated baloon animals in an alleyway of 200th street Manhattan. Investigators were baffled when the only evidence that they found was a generously portioned happy meal and a fantastic four figurine of Mister Fantastic. One suspect is the well known uhndead cobra charmer who refereds to the name "Vipre Morte", or death viper in english. His
picturehttp://www.yoocrew.com/rich/weird/clowns/clown2.jpg">picture> was found stapled to the forhead of Raechel.

Dean Merryl, padestrian, quotes, "I've never seen anything like this before. Like some psycho mad man from McDonalds or somehting."

There has been reasonable speculation that a Ronald poser is on the loose and wants revenge for the killing of one of his brethren, Peter C. Jonson, a unicycler, in a Police shoot out that he was caught in.

Spite or not, the MPD is cracking down on all halequins, including circus clows, party clowns and even magic using clowns in order to keep the peace in the already chaotic city.

"I don't care if the world was after them," Says Kat McPoop, "This place isn't safe for me or anyone else. I feel sorry for the unfortunate ones that have to live in this terrifying city because they have no where wlse to go."

As for the three victims, they were known to have severe cases of Insomnia and Depression, often iscolating themselves from the world.

This is just another hint of information that will give sleuths the edge that they need to limit the acts of terror that has so quickly striken the country.

Group of Ganster Clowns Strike Again

2005-07-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

On June 7, 2005, the bodies of Raechel Cummins, Zach Griffintoon and Raymon Vole were found dangling by their throats with inflated baloon animals in an alleyway of 200th street Manhattan. Investigators were baffled when the only evidence that they found was a generously portioned happy meal and a fantastic four figurine of Mister Fantastic. One suspect has been named for the murder of Ms.Cummins though there are more for the remaning two. A Clown my the name of "Vipre Morte" or Death Viper, left his very own
href="http://www.yoocrew.com/rich/weird/clowns/clown2.jpg">picture stapled to the forhead of his victim. Morte has been a known cobra charmer this is the only known fact of him.

Dean Merryl, padestrian, quotes, "I've never seen anything like this before. Like some psycho mad man from McDonalds or somehting."

There has been reasonable speculation that a Ronald poser is on the loose and wants revenge for the killing of one of his brethren, Peter C. Jonson, a unicycler, in a Police shoot out that he was caught in.

Spite or not, the MPD is cracking down on all halequins, including circus clows, party clowns and even magic using clowns in order to keep the peace in the already chaotic city.

"I don't care if the world was after them," Says Kat McPoop, "This place isn't safe for me or anyone else. I feel sorry for the unfortunate ones that have to live in this terrifying city because they have no where wlse to go."

As for the three victims, they were known to have severe cases of Insomnia and Depression, often iscolating themselves from the world.

This is just another hint of information that will give sleuths the edge that they need to limit the acts of terror that has so quickly striken the country.

Baby's Slain in Greusome Homicides

2005-05-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

The elderly were though to be good trustworthy citizens that loved the presence of the youthful. Just goes to show how much we know.

Two slaughtered babies were found in the Providence section of Rhode Island. One of them, a victim of a single blow to the lower spine and the other, victimized by the execution of an intentional car attack.

78 year old Geena Baker was the murderer of Spencer Recneps. Spencer was killed instantly when she punted him for reasons unknown. Though this clip is not for the weary of heart, we show you
exclusive footage of the babies death when a video casset was found under Geenas' mattress.

The second horrible murder was performed by the locally notorious Jim Jimaroo. While the innocent tot was doing his business in the street, Jim came from nowhere and plowed him into oblivion. Again, we will show
footage caught by a well place security camera, but it is not for the weak of heart.

"I don't know whats going on with our elders." Says concerned mother, Terry Shribergoop. "It's like they're posessed by the devil."

Both of the killers were found guilty when the videos were shown in the courtroom as evidence.

"I'm glad they're both gone, but who else will do that? How will we know if others don't find this fair and decide to revolt? what will happen then?"

Nobody knows...

Case of the Murderous Gorilla Solved!

2005-05-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Bobblesalami, as many of us know by now, was the gentle gorilla of the Frankenwiener Zoo that mysteriously went on a murderous rampage killing many civilians. Several days ago, the history of the murder victims was recovered, revealing some disturbing information.

All seven victims were criminals in themselves. Each person was tried and convicted of child molestation and rape, each of them set free within a matter of days.

"It seems that Bobble didn't like that fact that children were hurt and mentally scarred by people that could easily overpower them." Says Backel McScratcher

Manyy people think that justice was served and all was right again. But the parents of the victims were not so pleased.

"That crazy monkey killed my little boy!" Yelled an angry Ralph Allmatouchhole. "If it wern't for that monster, my kid would have still been walking and talking with his family and friends." Jerry Allmatouchhole was the 35 year old son of Ralph.

But fate was equal for both sides. Wasn't it?

"They lost thir children and we lost a super cool dude." Says Jellybean Kilkowillie, "thoes people should have no right to say that they lost something because what they raised were not children, but monsters that terrorized the town, raping helpless children."

Some people did not choose sides becuase they know what it's like to lose one that they were close to, but they also felt the loss of a greatly respected friend.

Even though the case was solved and many heaved their sighes of relief, there is only one question that lingers through the minds of many: If worse came to worse, who would you side with?

Flying Baby Meets an Untimely Fate

2005-05-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

Sparks flew and fire lit up the midnight sky when the explosion of a NASA rocket shook an entire state. The baby, stepping up to the expectations of rescuing the crew of four from the out-of-control rocket, carried the rocket away from its unmarked target.

The crew was safely grounded, but the heroic toddler never made it back.

"The rocket was still being carried off," says scientist Rupert Trepur. "But when it was near the o-zone, it blew up in the baby's hands."

The poor tot was only trying to be a good sumariton. But fate had other plans for him.

Though scraps of the rocket were later recovered, the body of the baby never was. Services were held at dawn near the crash site. Hundreds of thousands of spectators gave their respects to their hero and savior as the mysterios baby was given the traditional unbodied burial of a soldier.

Who will ever be able to protect our citizens from danger now? Who will be the one that gives us comfort when times seem dire and the world is helpless? We will never know.

Found: New Reporter For The Daily Poop!

2005-05-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

We all shouted a grand "hoorah" when the shoes of our newest member of the Daily Poop team stepped into the main office of the printing room.

To take the place of our fallen comrad, James E. Garfield, Locke Cole has made the oath to never let our readers down and to provide only the most extraordinary news stories in the entire world.

Locke Cole has had a history of treasure hunting and extreme espionage which he used to take down the imperial army/empire. Kefka, the dark leader of the empire, fell to his knees before Locke, after a fierce battle had waged. With the evil intentions of this vile emperor, Locke had no proglem in making a swift end to him, armed, the entire time, with only a Knife. He was later starred in the video game "Final Fantasy 6" as himself.

With the skills of out new reporter, our stories will be better, longer and more intense than any story that we have ever had. As of May 11, we will be further uncovering the secrets of the Banks Farm and the Flying Baby. Other stories will also be uncovered by our exclusive team of reporters.

We cannot let the rest of our team sit in the dark whil Locke gobbles up the glory, so here is the rest of out hard working team

Locke Cole: Treasure hunter and master thief.
Kayla Wolf: Expert in the fields of parapsychology and breaker the first clues of the Banks Farm
Gregory Ozwoth Hughes: Food specialist and expert in eating food.
Fox A. Blade: Although the oddest member of our team being as his name states, he is our animal specialist and telecommunicator.
Thundarr Gunnukilleue: Master interrigator, has never failed in bringing out the truth in even the most stubborn of people.
And finally, your writer, me, Mr. Snails. Old man on lotsa caffene.

I hope that it will not be an inconvenience that we have you on the edge of yout seat for another two days while our reportes come back from their missions of gaining important knowledge.

Be here when we give the story of the Banks exorcism whick Lock and Kyla have been assigned to. Until then, goodnight friend reader.

Adolescant Discovers Amazing Gift at Age 14

2005-04-26T17:06:00.000-07:00

Even the great Superman could never compare to what this astounding eighth grader can perform with just the slightest twitch of his eye.

"We were running low on yukburger surprise, then he came around the corner and 'Poof', we were in full supply again."

All that littl Oscar Neophragm did was look at a fun silver tray of phun and surprise.

Neurologists that have studied this amazing child are calling his feat "Meat Vision" compared to Superman's "Heat Vision".

Practitioners of neurology and anthropology have never in their lives seen anything like it. Just one glance at something and it's a leg of lamb or a bloody rump roast. But in a series of unexplainable events, there have been reports of actual people becoming victimized by this bizarre phenominon.

Unfortunately, this power has fallen into the wrong hands. Late saturday morning, Oscar was kidnapped by terrorists. The secratary of defence states that they commited this evil crime in order to use his power to convert everyone into meat until the U.S. govornment gave into their demands of world power and domination of the Hawiian islands. Speculations also claim that they want free candy along with major doses of diuretics for the elders and children of their fallen countries that have so well adapted to self destruction and public decapitations of foreign people.

The boy with the amazing gift is promised to be given back to his worry stricken mother who waits anxiously in her closet eating a full supply of snikers bars and ice cream sandwiches while she poders her lost sons condition.

There have been only a few clues as to where the boy could be. One of them is an odd phone number that goes as follows: 867-5309. There was also an empty bag of "Jussi Pussi" bread and a used condom with the words "Saddam was gay with me" written in pemanent marker.

We Will Forever Mourn Our Loss

2005-04-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

We apologize for the inconvenience of not bringing unto you, our loyal reader, the top of the line news reports that keep you up to date on vital information. However, our higest ranking reporter, James E. Garfield, tragically lost his life when uncovering the secrets of the White House.

As he was making his way to the vault, guided by the one named Sgt. Gumbee Tootles, he was jumpped and murdered by millions of secrurity men. His camera piece picked up only enough to indicate that the president wanted to declair war on Wisconson, the Pacific Ocean, and Disney Land. Notwithstanding, James used his super Aiado skills to fend off many thousands of the pretentious guards, but they were able mame him in the name of this so called "justice".

What we here do not understand is that he was welcomed into the whitehouse to investigate the true reason behind the War on Terrorism. It states in our first amendment that the press is free to do its job, as long as it does not disturb the peace or obstruct any of the U.S. laws.

But it is not the secretism nor is it the true unorthodox nature of our nation that this article is about, but it is to mourn the loss of one that we kept close to our hearts. May the lord take him nigh and rest his spirit in the peaceful sanctity of the heavenly gates.

Scientific Fact:Lard Is Good For You

2005-04-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Scientists everywhere have now proven that lard, a greasy substitute for butter and/or margarine, is a healthy part of anyone’s diet, exceeding even that of fruits and grain.

Ethereal Darkness, however, says different, that lard is the very epitome of the excessive human obesity that is killing the nation.

Well Ethereal, you were wrong.

If it was not for this delicious, meltable substance, the human race would not be able to float and therefore, the rate of drowning would be through the roof.

"Even so," says pedestrian, Mike Vee "Fat people are ugly and need to be shot."

Interviewing several others, all of them fully supported Mike's input and even added other antics.

But scientists say this," There are plenty of people who smoke, drink and are incest and they get very ugly, but the point is not the charismatic appearance of the lard eater, but the fact that they stay natural and healthy through the consumption of other organisms fatty tissues."

We at The Daily Poop say "In your face Mike Vee!"

With such a grand discovery, many averaged size people will turn to lardism as a way to beat the insulting of fat individuals, for they themselves will be excessively large, and if these that feel are the strongest of everyone will come to find that fighting a fat man is a very hard job, which would make another good aspect of this heavenly meal.

"There was this one kid who thought he was so strong," Says Fatass McBlobbicus, "Then he tried to beat me up and all I had to do was fall over and it ended where it began." *squish*

So, in conclusion, we say to you friend reader, to go out there and stuff your gullet with the natural beauty of butter flavored Crisco and see the true freedom of being one fat mudduh.

Psycho Grandma Dies After Distributing Poisoned Brownies to Local Children

2005-04-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Ethyl Pootingraten, 93, was arrested when several town children were given warm delicious brownies injected with a leathal dose of Pepto Bysmol. All six children were hospitalized with overexaggerated amounts of diarreah in their system and recieved intensive treatment at the Loogiedale Hospital.

"But it's my favorite ingredient." Ethyl pleaded when she heard of the dreaded misfortune. Obviously, she failed to read the warning sign on the side of the canister reading, KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN.

However, when authority figures went to put Ethyl into custody, her entire attitude went from innocent elder to meniacal psychopath.

"I tried to club her when I saw her eyes turn bloodshot and her mouth foam," says trooper Steve "but she was way too nimble for me! She took my tonfa and knocked me out with it."

It wasn't until several minutes passed that reenforcements arrived to assist Steve in bringing down the crazy elder.

"She had the cuffs on in front of her," Says Winkle McJoe "and like they were nothing but a thread of tinsil, she broke out of them and retreated back into her home."

Unfortunately for the army of backup, Ethyl was prepared for a war.

Jane Goodwrench recalls the entire ordeal, "She dashed into her house, and just like in them japanese cartoons, her house transformed into a colossal fortress, fully equipped with vulcan turrets and 28mm cannons, not to mention the photon lazers that nearly killed us."

The battle waged for only a few seconds; until Ethyl collapsed and died of in a bizzare instance of spontaneous combustion followed by a full body explosion.

Although Police were relieved that the nonsense had ended before it began, they fear terribly that they may be infected by the deadly exploding virus.

Funeral arrangements will be held at Thuhtalistbrijendawerld, where her ashes will be spread throughout the river basin in the valley below.

Angry Mob of Gingerbread Men Attack European Cookie Factory

2005-04-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

Do you know the muffin man?

On April 15, the Heart 2 Heart cookie factory was viciously raided by an army of animate cookie figurines. The entire facility was blocked off by the factories own home made cookie dough, leaving the helpless workers inside to be torn to pieces by these vile and blood thirsty men ginger and love.

the horror inside could only be thought of as a war zone, a deadly game of manhunt that ended the lives of many.

Forensic scientists had taken samples of the crumbs that were left behind by the miniature monsters and linked them to a sick and twisted act of a voodooist. It took the magic of an ancient witch by the name of Vayanalthela to track down the evil behind this random genocide.

When Vayanalthela found the culprit, it shocked the entire continent.

"Who would have guessed that it was a little kid behind it." says Boyeye Needatann, a well known drill instructor.

When Fritz Foargretthae, 7, was asked why he committed such an sin, his answer was simple.

"Their cookies tasted like ass!"

His conjecture was proven absolutely true. When the factory cookies were taken to the Transylvanian Laboratories, scientists discovered that the content of their original chocolate chip cookies were the same as that of a healthy lump of human feces.

there were no charges against Fritz, however, he was taken under the wing of Vayanalthela to be thought to master the art of witchcraft and wizardry.

Newest Competition in the Gang World is the Biggest Threat in NYC

2005-04-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

Look out all you Crypts, Bloods and Kings, there's a new gang out there and they're waiting for you to make your first mistake... not turning your frown upside down.

Since early last spring, there had been talk of a notorious gang that would be in order as soon as they had enough members to join. But just recently, the corpses of all three gang lords were found on upside down crucifixes, covered in confetti and silly string. Their reign of terror was just beginning to bloom.

"It looks like we're dealing with a bunch of clowns." Says officer Pooley Rootingarth

And clowns they are. One of our reporters was lucky enough to survive an encounter with a grenade juggler that called himself Mister Giggles. However, Peter was mortified to the point of suicide and is now in therapy, therefore giving us at The Daily Poop little information of this monstrous gang. However, what we do know is this, they have very little tolerance for seriousness and will kill anyone who doesn't smile in their presence.

We have al lot to learn of this mysterious race, but we here at The Daily Poop will go through thick and thin to give our readers the information they deserve, even if it means to sacrifice one of our own.

Homosexual Gorilla Goes on a Ravenous Spree of Murder

2005-04-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

Bobblesalami was just a regular gorilla with only one little tiny alteration: he was gay. But he never did anything to harm anyone or anything. In fact, he loved to receive things from the locals that would offer him and would even pay them back with a gentle hug through the bars.

Bobblesalami loved to watch people as they witnessed him prancing around his habitat with his arms up, elbows down, and pinkies raised. He especially loved to have pretend tea parties with many of the stuffed animals that the children gave him. But most of all, he loved the elderly people and would often give them a pretend cup of tea and pat them on the head as they gave their thanks and walked away.

"I don't know what made him just snap like that." Says Bobblesalami's caretaker, Walter McWalter. "He was so good, and then... this happened."

While an unknown pedestrian was reaching through the bars to give Bobblesalami a ripe banana, the 800-pound gorilla reached through the bars and crushed the man's head through his fingers. Then, in an outburst of what spectators called a spurt of preternatural rage, the angry ape forced the mans body through the bars and continued to pommel him into the ground.

"I had to get my kids out of there," says Evelyn Loaf, a familiar with the crazed gorilla. "This was something that even the Faces of Death couldn't size up to and my children, God forbid, will never see anything like that again."
But the more optimistic Bob Saventer says with a chuckle, "It's a little something that I'll have to explain to the kids before the birds and the bees, I guess."

Zookeepers from throughout the Frankenweiner Zoo came to try to put out the flame that was Bobbinsalami, but even the most powerful of tranquilizers wouldn't stop this seven foot giant from escaping through the doors in which the keepers entered from.

In a tragic event, several other deaths had occurred by the hands of this once gentile beast before the law enforcement was forced to put the ape to rest once and for all.

"It's so sad," says Tina Smith, 9 "He was my friend and he always gave me a hug."

Many of the locals are trying to figure out what made this locally loved creature transform into a monstrous killing machine.

"He was fine until that man came along, but that shouldn't have made any difference. His emotional levels were running steady and smooth all morning. He even gave old man Jenkins (a local resident) one oh his best cups for tea" Securityman, Jebralter Macdaddy says after reviewing the tapes.

There's just no true reason for this gorillas actions, but the investigation is still unraveling clues as the days progress. More information on the reasons will be updated as the mystery is resolved

Horrible Exploding Virus Hangs in the Balance

2005-04-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

While performing experimental studies in an L.A. virus lab facility, several elements and the Ebola virus were forged together to make a mortifying sickness that causes the entire body to burst into flames and explode in a fiery mess with little to no notice.

"We injected Murphey the chimp with it and seconds later, he just set fire and exploded." Virus expert Robert Gangledorf said. "Lucky for us, the fire was put out before anything else was destroyed, especially our protection."

Many have tried to figure out what causes the spontaneous explosion and have come up with a numerous amount of hypotheses. But the one that has come up most is this: When the outer protein coating of the virus comes in contact with a red blood cell, it causes an electric impulse that forces the cell into an uncontrollable convulsion. With the irregular spasm, the cell, in turn, shakes the virus enough to make the small nitroglycerine sack to burst, sending millions of replicas throughout the circulatory system. After the death of the virus, the cell is then completely eradicated. One viral explosion has the equivalent force of a 3-gram pouch of gunpowder. The virus then continues to explode into many other smaller ones until there is no blood left for the reaction to continue, but by this time, the explosions altogether are an equivalent to a full sized dynamite stick.

"I just hope this doesn’t get in the wrong hands." Says Pres. Bush "Our precious nation'll really go out with a 'bang'" Even though he said this with a bit of a grin, there has been no speculation of usind this virus as a weapon to wipe out the entire world. But then again, the nucular bomb wasn't meant to be a weapon either.

Even though many questions have been answered, there is still much more speculation to this virus that what meets the avarage eye.

Mysterious Flying Baby Saves Family of Five From Burning Apartment

2005-04-11T16:47:00.000-07:00

On monday, April 11, a raging inferno threatened to devour an entire apartment complex in the thriving metropolis of Twoson, Conneticut. Everyone was able to escape the dire flames except for one unfortunate family that was hopelessly trapped between the 12th and 14th floor of the crumbling complex. But then something amazing happened.

"If my eyes didn't decieve me, I would have sworn that it was a flamingo that got launched from a high velocity cannon" Says former inhabitant, Bill Tompleton, 68.

Though seemingly preturnatural, in reality, the "flamingo" was none other than an infant with an amazing gift. It saved the lives of a family of four and their family pet as if it wasn't even a task enough to be rewarded for. It broke through the hundreds of gallons of water that the fire hoses were launching into the collapsing building and entered the building.

"If it weren't for that little toddler, I't be nothing but a charred skeleton lying down on my couch." Said the Husdband who started the fire with a cigarette butt. He wishes to remain anonymous for reasons that are understandable.

Jaques Trappe, photographer for the USA Tomorrow, says that even his unmatched skill couldn't capture a glimpse of this super baby in action. The only thing that he captured was a heap of bodies that came flying out from the 13th floor's window, and that was only with what he and many others saw with only their naked eyes.

"Being as stunned as I was, I could hardly move my hand to get a single snapshot." He said. "Even as the heap just... just levitated to safety."

If it wasn't enough to save an entire family from a white hot flaming inferno, the tiny tot stopped the building from falling onto the careless spectators below.

"That baby is a blessing to our entire town," Says Rev. Charles Shuefelt "and he dosen't even wear a cape!"

Even though what the baby did is nothing short of heroic, the officials of Twoson feel threatened by the presence of this tot because of what they can't do compared to it. It could be possible for them to lose their jobs unless they work harder to protect the town.

Haunted house on Nashua street

2005-04-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

Since the early 1800's the house formally known as "The Banks Farm" was reported to have unsightly reenactments of a bloody murder that had taken place there in the summer months of 1812. The story says that one thunderous night, a prisoner from Plesent Valley CIT escaped without notice due to the tremendous claps of thunder that defened the sound of the hammering he made through the sewage lines. A week after his escape, he made shelter in a summer housing in an isolated part of newberlin. Unfortunately for the Banks residence, who had been gone that day to visit a relative, came home to find the escapee standing in their living room with a fresh killed bull that had been in a pasture.

"The godevil that was in that man's hand was still dripping with blood" Said a once promising buyer of the haunted household. "And he was just kind of standing in a daze, but it was like he knew I was there and wanted to see what he did."

The otopsy at the time showed that the first one to die was the youngest of them. Sheena Banks,12, died instantly with a direct blow through the skull that virtually split her down the middle. The next one was Douglass Banks who recieved multiple blows to his legs and chest before he was hung feet first by a chanelier and pulverized to a liquidy pulp even after death had encounterd him.

"It was like he was having a damn good time with that thing," Sais local journalist Paula Spadafrunt "like a child with a pinata that hadn't spilled its candy"

Vanessa and Peter Banks, The wife and son of Douglass were found in the basement's whine cellar with both of their torsos missing. The cut sections of their bodies were facing eachother and mad the sign of the swastica.

Later, both of the torsos bodies were found under the hanging corpse of their merciless killer.

though the house has been for sale for over 12 decades, there have been some "Ghost Hunters" that have lurked around the house for an interesting specemin to return to their laboratories.